Empire: Total War Heaven

So, I have been away for a while.

I made a pilgrimage to Rome. My father had told me much of the place- how rich it was, how it was coated in marble, and how much fun it was to plunder the place, though Alaric did tell him not to be excessive. He described the place in all its glory. I expected this:




I visited the place with Robert de Guiscard back in 1084. We trashed the place then, too, but only of moveable things. So I remembered the look of the city, and drew these to remind me.




Now it was time to visit again. Every thousand years or so, I like to relive my youth. It helps keep me young at heart. I was only three hundred when I fought alongside Robert. So imagine my surprise when I finally wriggle my long legs and massive chest through the tiny porthole of that flying contraption and get my ass down to the forum- where the party never dies- and find this:




What the hell have they done to this wonderful city? It used to be such a fun place, now there are churches popping up everywhere. And where did they get the money to build all these churches and decorate them with marble? They are too cheap to buy new stuff, I can tell you that.

Over to the Imperial Palace, and I find this:




That’s where they got their stuff. They plundered my hangouts!

The temples on the Capitoline were always a wonderful source of cash and art. I remember the place fondly.





That Temple of Jupiter was a treasure trove par excellence. Now we have this:





Some guy named Marcus Aurelius on a horse. Wait, I think I remember hearing about him somewhere. I heard he was a pretty good chap, but his son made berserkers look normal.

How about racing? I remember the Circus Maximus. I once lost two slave-girls losing a bet there, but won the three virgin daughters of a nobleman who bet poorly on the next race, so that made it okay.




Do I find chariot races and such? No. I find this:



So, I am getting a bit down. Time to cheer up watching a bloody fight or five. Gladiators risking their lives for pleasure of the crowds- what a noble self-sacrifice! I do admire those guys for their devotion to public entertainment. Plus sometimes I can pick up a pointer on swordwork. It happens a time or two. So, I went over to the Flavian Amphitheatre. Do I find this?




No, this:




They even stole the seats! Bloody thieves. It was not we Vikings that did this.

And to make matters worse, the old temples were torn down. The place was overrun with churches.

Even the Tullanium- the local prison where I once spent a few nights after losing a bout with an amphora of wine, has a church built on top of it. At first I was embarrassed- I did not think my drinking bout the stuff of legend. Then I found out they built the church because some guy named Petrus bumped his head when he was thrown in here too. They even enshrined the stone where he bumped his head.



Anyway, despite what the Italians did to the place, this was still the best trip I have had in the last thousand or so years.

I am now at home, safe and ready to resume my duties of lording it over the heavens.

[This message has been edited by Terikel Grayhair (edited 05-17-2015 @ 05:48 AM).]